The craziness continues

Last week I told you about more crazy things my friends have done. Others have now shared experiences of wacky happenings. I think all of these stories near being ridiculous, and the people involved might also be called challenged! Some even fall into the ludicrous category.

We’ll begin with … what were you thinking?

“A man was sitting in his bedroom and was looking in the direction of his shoes, which were across the room, when he saw a roach crawling into one shoe. Immediately he reached over to grab the shoe, but forgot his gun was in the shoe. The gun went off, shooting him in the leg.” Who puts their gun in a shoe and also leaves it ready to fire?

I love this story and have had a similar experience.

“My wife and I went through a fast food drive-thru window. Our total was $4.25 and I gave the cashier a $5 bill. I also handed her 25 cents. She said, ‘You gave me too much money.’
I said, ‘Yes, I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.’
She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the 25 cents, and said, ‘We’re sorry, but we don’t do that kind of thing.’ The cashier then proceeded to give me 75 cents in change. All the way home I kept trying to figure out what happened.”

This can’t be the typical repairman.

“We had to have the garage door repaired. The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a large enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower motor. He shook his head and said, ‘You need a 1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, ‘Nooo, it’s not. Four is larger than two.’ We haven’t used that repairman since.”

This shows living in a semi rural area can be interesting.

“We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.’”

“My daughter went to a Mexican fast food restaurant and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for minimal lettuce. He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.”

Remember when they asked us this question?

“I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, ‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’ I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’ He smiled knowingly and nodded, ‘That’s why we ask.’”

“The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an apparently, unthinking co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the beeper was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she asked, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving?’ She’s a government employee.”

I just know this didn’t happen in Marysville.

“When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after being serviced, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. ‘Hey,’ I announced to the technician, ‘It’s open!’ His reply was, ‘I know. I already did that side.’”

Now I leave you with some quotes from well-known people, but I have withheld their names. When you read them you will know I have done them a favor.

“Outside of the killings, Washington D.C. has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.” – a former mayor.

“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it.” – a congressional candidate in Texas.

“Half this game is ninety percent mental.” – a Philadelphia Phillies manager.

“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.” – a former vice president.

“The word ‘genius’ isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”- a former NFL football quarterback and sports analyst.

And I leave you with this beauty:

“Your food stamps will be stopped effective in March because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.” – Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina.

(Melanie Behrens – melb@marysvillejt.com)